I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
