So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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