I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
