I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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