My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
