i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
