I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
