I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
