u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
