They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
