Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
