Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
