Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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