R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
