I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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