guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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