I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
