It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
