after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The Olympian is in my bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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