Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
