you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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