I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
