a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
