do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
