Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
