it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
