i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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