my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if only i could text you this smell
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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