Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
