College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
