how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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