why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
