How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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