I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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