So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
