I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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