I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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