and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
