it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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