Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
