I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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