im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
