woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
