Girls should come with a carfax report
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
