I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
