I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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