Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
