who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
