She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
