never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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