Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
