This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
