I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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