Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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