I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
