I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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