this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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